Naruto: Champion Tournament
by EvilFuzzy9
Summary: The students fight for the honor of their teachers in this sequel to Invader Naruto. Rated for moderately mature themes and occasional harsh language. One original character, forty percent more drama, and ninety percent more cheesiness.
1. Prolouge OF DOOM!

EF9: Okay, konnichiwa, faithful fans and first-time readers of my stories, have I got a treat for you. A special tournament!

Kyuubi: Yes, EF9 has decided to write a more action filled story, there will be eighteen participating ninjas, plenty of fighting!

DEF666: But, unfortunately, EF9 sees it as his duty to write humor.

EF9: So worry not, faithful readers, you will still get some of my humorous fare. And, you can vote for the match ups _you_ want!

Kyuubi: It will go like this, the matches will take one chapter each, and at the end of each chapter the name of one of the fighters will be announced.

DEF666: And _you_ must review, and leave the name of who you want to fight against the ninja named at the end of the chapter.

EF9: By the way this is a companion fic to Invader Naruto, and now with the disclaimer we have team 10!

Asuma: Come on guys get it over with.

Choji: I want meat!

Ino: I am not going to do his dirty work.

Shikamaru: Sigh, troublesome. EF9 doesn't own Invader Zim, Naruto, or Fairy Kyuubi (LON: He's my invention… sorta.).

Kyuubi: Now start the prologue, _OF DOOM!_

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It was a bright and sunny day, and the rookie nine, team gai, team 13, and the sand siblings, were given the day off so their sensei's could have their weekly game of poker.

Asuma: (puffing on a cigarette and looking at his hand)_ Hmm…two pairs and a jack._ I raise ten dollars.

Kakashi: Ten dollars, you sure seem brave.

Baki: Look who is talking, you aren't even playing. (to the others) I fold.

Kurenai: _Hah! The big bad sand man hasn't stayed in once!_ I raise three dollars and a ramen coupon.

Gai: _YES! VICTORY SHALL BE MINE, FOR I HAVE A YOUTHFUL FULL HOUSE!_ I RAISE FOURTEEN DOLLARS!

EF9: _Excellent._ (Inner chibi does the Mr. Burns thing with his hands) I raise twenty-five dollars.

Kurenai: I fold.

Asuma: I'm staying in.

Gai: I ACCEPT YOUR CHALLENGE WITH MY FIERY YOUTH, FOR YOU SHALL NOT INTIMIDATE ME!

EF9: Okay. Hands in.

Gai, Asuma, and EF9 laid their cards on the table to reveal Asuma's two pairs, Gai's full house, and EF9's… royal flush!

EF9: All right, I win. Fork over the dough. _Hah! I can't believe it! I usually have the worst of luck at this game! And I win forty-nine dollars!_ (Inner chibi does a shameless victory dance.)

Asuma: Oh well, I'm still the best instructor. One of my students my students is a chuunin after all.

Kurenai: Sweetie, Shikamaru was a genius before you started teaching him.

Gai: INDEED! MY STUDENTS FAR OUTSHINE ALL OTHERS!

Kakashi: I'm afraid you are mistaken, Gai, _I_ have the best students.

Baki: Hah! You make me laugh, does _your _team have a jinchuuriki with near ultimate power?

Kakashi: As a matter of fact, yes. And he managed to defeat Gaara in his full Shukaku form.

Seeing that this is a good time to stop a fight from breaking out, EF9 steps in and proposes that they settle the debate with a tournament. The rules being no killing the opponent, and that they be randomly chosen, one-on-one battles between their students.

So the others agreed and went to inform their students.

The next day, the six teams met up at the stadium that was used for the third portion of the Chuunin exams. The matches to be judged by Shizune, refereed by Jiraiya, and Tsunade was there to make it official. (But mostly because she likes watching kids beat the snot out of each other.)

Tsunade: Okay, we are here to see kids wail on each other because their sensei's are too wimpy to settle it themselves. Now, the first match is-

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EF9: Okay now you readers must vote for who you want to fight-

Kyuubi: -Against Sasuke Uchiha.

DEF666: Now review and vote for who you want to up against Sasuke!

EF9: And it can't be anyone on his team.

TTFN!


	2. Tearing Down the Fourth Wall, Sasuke vs

EF9: Well, here is the second chapter.

Kyuubi: Neji vs. Sasuke!

DEF666: Woohoo… whatever.

Tsunade: Sasuke Uchiha versus Neji Hyuuga.

Jiraiya: Okay, into the stadium. And remember no biting, no hitting below the belt, and no killing.

As the two prodigies entered the arena there was a cacophony consisting of cheers, jeers and cat-calls.

Deidara: Ita-chan, what are we doing here? Yeah.

Itachi: Hn. Okay, one: I want how strong the fox vessel is, two: my foolish brother is here, and three: don't call me that.

Orochimaru: Be quiet down there. The match is starting.

Kabuto: Not to be rude, master, but what the hell are we doing hear?

Orochimaru: What? Can't I take my favorite minion out for a night on the town?

Kabuto: Oh never mind.

Jiraiya stepped out of the ring indicating the start of the match had begun. Neji started out by charging at Sasuke at top speed (A/N: Which for ninjas is pretty dang fast) who was brandishing a kunai dagger in a defensive stance with his sharingan activated.

Neji struck Sasuke's left shoulder with a standard juken palm thrust, and followed up with a heavenly spin, which blew Sasuke half way across the arena. Looking like a burnt potato from the chakra burns, stood up, and charged at Neji, bellowing bloody murder.

Neji braced himself for what he knew was coming, having seen Lee practice this move countless times. Sasuke reappeared kicked Neji upward, appeared behind him in the manner of the shadow leaf dance, and followed up with a lions barrage.

Neji lifted himself off the ground, moving noticeably slower, and readied himself for his ultimate attack, Hakke Hyaku Nijuha Sho (Eight Trigrams One Hundred Twenty-Eight Palms.) Sasuke activated Chidori Nagashi (One Thousand Birds Current.)

When they met there was a surge of energy as Neji's palms connected with the electric field surrounding Sasuke, but thanks to Gai's grueling training methods, he had both the stamina and the tolerance for pain to continue his siege on Sasuke's chakra circulatory system 2…4…8…16…32…64…128 strikes!

Sasuke swayed side to side, clearly feeling the detrimental effects of the screwed up chakra system. He then collapsed.

Gai: WELL MY ETERNAL RIVAL! IT SEEMS I HAVE DEFEATED YOUR PRIZED STUDENT!

Kakashi: I'm sorry, did you say something?

Gai: Ooooh, it burns me up when he acts so cool.

Shizune: Well, it looks like this match goes to Neji Hyuuga.

Sakura and Ino: HOW DARE HE HURT OUR SASUKE-KUN!

Naruto: Oh come on! In the series Kishimoto shows very clearly that Sasuke defected from Konoha because he felt threatened by my rapid growth!

EF9: Okay I'll cut off here to avoid having to up the rating.

Kyuubi: And now you must vote for who you want to fight against Zim!

DEF666: Also, EF9 apologizes for the lack of humor in this chapter.

EF9: Yes, for I wrote this when I was half asleep and needed room for the fight. Please review and vote!


	3. Where did the humor go? Zim vs

EF9: Okay, here is chapter three, and thanks to LackOfName for being the only person to review chapter two.

Kyuubi: Read the story and review so we can choose the match-ups.

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Tsunade: Now for the next match we have Zim What's-his-face versus Ino Yamanaka!

Asuma: Well, well, well. Looks like I'll be able to get payback for the poker game.

EF9: Huh._ Yeah, he's probably right. Fighting is not Zim's strong suit._

Naruto: Finally, we get to see what those freaks can do!

Sakura (Glaring at Naruto): Naruto, don't call people freaks. It's rude.** Inner Sakura: That freak's going down!**

Shikamaru: Sigh. This is too troublesome.

Choji: Yeah. I hope we can finish this soon, I want to get some barbeque for lunch.

Tenten: Shush, the match is starting.

Indeed the match had started, Ino started out by throwing two shuriken at Zim. Zim retaliated by parrying the shuriken with a senbon needle, throwing the needle at Ino, and using the couple of seconds he gained from that move, he breezed through hand signs, opened a scroll, thrust his right hand into the dirt, and called out **KUCHIYOSE NO JUTSU!** (Art of Summoning)

Ino gasped in surprise as a puff of smoke appeared next to Zim.

Zim: Mini-moose! Incapacitate the target!

Mini-moose squeaked in affirmation of Zim's command, and sped towards Ino in all its floating moose-y glory.

Ino ducked to her left to avoid getting beaned in the head, suddenly she let out a cry of pain.

Asuma: Huh? What happened to Ino?

Shikamaru: I have an idea of what happened…

Kakashi: Yes, it would appear as though Zim used the smoke from the summoning to cover his moves. Though what he did past that is beyond me.

Naruto (Looking rather grave): Asuma-sensei, I think you should call the match.

Asuma: Why would I do a thing like that?

Sakura: I think it may be the kunai sticking out of her chest.

Naruto (Nodding his head sagely): Yes. Although it isn't fatal, she will need treatment right away to avoid straining herself.

Choji: What I want to know is, how did that happen.

Shikamaru: He threw two kunai, after he issued the command, one on either side of Ino, timed so that if she dodged the moose thing, they would hit her.

Lee: Yes. That makes perfect sense. Either way she would get hit.

Tenten: Yes, and when used properly, a thrown kunai knife can easily stun, incapacitate, or even kill an enemy.

Neji: The seconds that would be gained from such a strategy are crucial for deciding a shinobi battle, any good ninja could use those precious seconds to next to a foe so that they may deal a killing blow.

Sasuke: But since the aim of these battles is to either KO your opponent, or get them to surrender…

EF9: Then the strategy he used is sufficient to earn a victory.

Shizune, having recovered from the initial shock, lead Ino to a spot where medic-nins would tend to any and all wounds. After making sure everyone was listening, (by blowing an air horn) she announced that Zim was the winner.

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EF9: Well, there is chapter three, I know it wasn't that funny, but you must admit that it's hard to mix action and humor.

Kyuubi: Yes, and in a fighting story, the best we can do is stick some jokes in, between the action.

EF9: For the next chapter, you must vote for who you want to fight with Kiba Inuzuka.

Kyuubi: And it still can't be anyone on his team.

EF9: So please review, for I need them in order to keep writing (hinthint).

TTFN


	4. Too Many Adjectives! Kiba vs

EF9: Whee! This is the next chapter of Naruto: Champion Tournament!

Kyuubi: Hell yeah! Turn it up! Sin-

DEF666: For the sake of whatever deity you worship, shut up! This is not a song fic.

EF9: Yeah, I do not own Naruto, Fairy Kyuubi, or the song 'Take Me Back'.

Kyuubi: Roll cameras.

DEF666: Story starts in 3… 2… 1!

* * *

Tsunade: Okay! The next match is Kiba Inuzuka versus Sakura Haruno!

Sakura and Kiba walked out to opposite sides of the field, where they then started to stare each other down.

Sakura: Glare

Kiba: Glare

Sakura: GLARE!

Kiba: GLARE!

Temari: Whoah! That is a hell of a lot of glaring!

Ino: Sakura better not lose!

Choji: Gee, Ino, I never realized how much you cared about her!

Ino: Shut up Choji! When I beat her I want it to count!

Shikamaru: Of course, how troublesome.

Ino: Shut up you lazy bum!

Asuma: Stop fighting you two! Save it for your fights.

Choji: But… Ino has already fought…

Shikamaru: Yeah… and she lost.

Ino (Going all demonic-chibi like): Oh… why you blah blah blah! Yak yak yak! Drivel drivel drivel!

(A/N: Uh… heh. I'm not that good at Ino-rants. Heh. So I just put that. Use your imagination to fill it in.)

While this was going on EF9 was rewarding Zim for his victory in his match.

EF9: Zim, you did a great job… I am now sure that I have a good chance of winning the bet!

Zim (Saluting): Sir yes sir! We are sure to be victorious!

Gaz (Playing her game slave. Why didn't I tell her not to? Because she is freaking scary!): Hn.

Dib: I know I can defeat anyone they throw at me!

EF9: Don't get too confident, now. You are not much better than Zim in combat, and Ino specializes in spying. Her fighting skills pale in comparison to some of the others.

Down in the arena, Kiba and Sakura had finished trying to intimidate each other, and now were following each other's every movement.

Naruto: Woo! Go Sakura-chan!

Sasuke: Hn.

Kakashi: _Time to see who is better._

Hinata: Go Kiba-san. _Sorry Naruto-kun… but Kiba is my team-mate. I hope you understand._

Kurenai: _Sorry Kakashi, Naruto may have beaten Kiba before, but Sakura doesn't stand a chance._

Shino: …

Kiba (Looking at Shino up in the bleachers): Thanks Shino! I knew you would cheer for me!

Shino: …

Kiba (Looking offended): Gasp! Shino, how dare you talk like that!

Shino: …

Kiba (Looking downright furious by now): WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY MOTHER!-? THAT IS IT! YOU ARE GOING DOWN, BUG-BOY!

Kiba leapt into the bleachers, ready to punch Shino's lights out when he heard a beautiful voices, it was like a chorus of a thousand Stradivarius violins played by the gentlest of angels.

Hinata (Smiling sweetly in a way that would turn gay men straight, turn more perverted women into lesbians, and make anyone who is attracted to women, go mad): Kiba-kun…

Kiba had a sparkly pink background filled with hearts, and he literally floated over to Hinata. (A/N: Poor, poor lovesick fool.) Meanwhile several boys were unconscious from nosebleeds (except for the stoic and otherwise asexual ones, though Sasuke did break out in a cold sweat), and Naruto even proposed to Hinata!

Hinata made a note to take Naruto up on his offer later.

Orochimaru (Whispering half to himself): Screw Sasuke-

Kabuto: Isn't that what you have been trying to do?

Orochimaru (Mildly annoyed): Let me finish my sentence. Screw Sasuke, if I had that girl's body I could use her shojo charm and just convince people to teach me jutsus.

Kabuto: But master, in order for shojo charm to work, you need to be so pure and innocent that you literally project an aura of kindness and love. I mean, let us face it, you may be many things (A/N: Like a two faced, silver tongued, lily-livered, effeminate gay pedophile who betrayed his closest friends and killed his father figure.) but innocent shojo, you are not.

Orochimaru: Ah yes. Damn.

Oh right! Back to the conversation at hand!

Kiba (Smiling like a fool who believes he's in heaven): Yes, my sweet, adorable Hinata-chan?

Neji made a note to pound the living daylights out of Kiba for hitting on Hinata.

Hinata: Kiba… (Suddenly chibi with a big angry head and flames coming out of her mouth) YOU LOST!

Kiba (Looking dumbfounded): Huh?

Shino: Yes… idiot… you wee disqualified for leaving the match. Just to beat me up for something I didn't say or think.

Kiba: Oh…

Shino beat up Kiba very hard, and Kurenai begged the Jiraiya to change his mind. (He decides the winners, remember?)

Kurenai (On her knees with her hands folded in front of her and waterfall tears going down her face): Please reconsider!

Jiraiya: Well I might be willing to change my mind, for a price, of course…

Kurenai (Looking very violated indeed): You know what? Forget it. It's not my fault if Kiba is stupid.

Jiraiya: Actually, as a teacher you are supposed to remedy that kind of a problem.

Kurenai: Well, shit.

Meanwhile EF9 was telling his student how he became a jounin.

EF9: I remember when Hokage-sama administered a special test to make sure I was elite ninja material.

Dib: But, aren't jounin chosen by the Hokage's appointment?

EF9: Correct, however, I didn't have any truly outstanding talents, besides being really sneaky. So Tsunade, decided to see how tough I was, with a special test. The last part of which was a test where a bunch of attacks were hurled at me to see how I handled them.

_Flash Back_

_A volley of ten throwing knives appeared from the right, I grabbed a kunai from my holster and used it to knock down three of the projectiles, I then threw my throwing knife ahead, where it knocked one kunai out of it's path and into another one._

_I managed to move out of the way of four of the weapons, but the last one grazed my shoulder. Luckily I was smart enough to wear padding, which prevented me from getting any actual damage. Then two nondescript chunin rushed me from behind._

_I lashed out with my left leg, catching one on the chin. The other got close enough to punch me in the gut, I countered by catching him in a choke hold, and slamming him into the ground._

_For the last part, all I had to do was protect myself from a high level fire technique, and then counter with the most advanced jutsu I could perform. I managed to dodge the fire dragon jutsu, and followed up with my most advanced technique, wind style: razor wind burst._

_End Flash Back_

EF9: … And that is how I became a jonin!

EF9 then looked around to see that his students had walked off, obviously intending to use the time between matches to visit with the others.

EF9: Aww man, nobody ever listens to my story.

* * *

EF9: Aww… poor me, review and let me know that there are people that like my stories.

Kyuubi: Yeah, that bit of background on his self-insert character, was just filler for those who wanted some action for this chapter.

DEF666: And information on the strange jutsu he used.

EF9: I think I made it up, but: Wind Style: Razor Wind Burst Jutsu, is a technique where the user breathes in, and when they exhale, it releases rapid fire wind bullets, that push back and tear into the target.

Kyuubi: Just so you aren't confused!

DEF666Review and vote for who you want to fight against Rock Lee.

EF9: Right, you are able to choose from:

Naruto

Shikamaru

Choji

Hinata

Shino

Kankuro

Gaara (But, probably not, it would be too hard to write a fight between them)

Temari

Dib

Gaz

Kyuubi: Those are your choices.

DEF666: Now… review!


	5. The Competition Heats Up! Lee vs

EF9: Well, here is the newest chapter of Naruto: Champion Tournament!

Kyuubi: This chapter's match up is Rock Lee versus Gaz Membrane.

DEF666: Start the fic.

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Tsunade: The next match is Gaz versus Rock Lee!

Dib: I hope Gaz wins!

Naruto: That creepy girl is gonna have a heck of a time trying to beat Gejimayu (Bushy brows).

Gai and Lee were having an emotional pep talk, while Tenten stared at thing 1 and thing 2 making complete fools of themselves. EF9 was eating popcorn and had a soda drink hat on. Those who weren't on the teams of the next two fighters, were settling down to enjoy the match.

Sasori: I hope they start sometime soon, I don't have all day.

Deidara: I've been thinking, yeah.

Sasori: that's a nice change of pace.

Deidara: You didn't let me finish! I was saying that it is ironic that you are so impatient, yeah.

Sasori glared at Deidara.

Sasori: You might want to watch out for Orochimaru.

Deidara: He only likes little boys, I'm not a boy, yeah.

Sasori looked at Deidara in way that just yelled 'I'm not buying it'. He then lowered his gaze to Deidara's chest. Out of curiousity, he reached out and groped Deidara's chest.

Sasori: _Woah... oh yeah, Deidara is _definitely_ a chick!_

Deidara looked at the grinning Sasori, and slapped him tto the other side of the stadium.

Ino: It's a bird!

Shikamaru: It's a plane!

Choji: It's Superman!

Deidara: No, it's a perverted puppet.

InoShikaCho: Blink. Uh oookaayy...

Gaz and Lee, by this time, were prepared for the match. They went to the center of the stadium, and Jiraiya motioned for them to begin.

Gaz: You should give up, there is no way you can defeat me.

Lee: I am a taijutsu master. Do you honestly believe that you can compensate for your disadvantage with intimidation?

Gaz: Hn. Shut up and fight!

Lee started by throwing a left hook at Gaz's face, Gaz ducked and her feet under Lee's legs, Lee jumped over the attack, and shot his right fist at Gaz's jaw. That attck didn't miss. Gaz was knocked back by Lee's punch, she stood up and started doing hand seals, she then muttered something incomprehensible, and exhaled a fire attack in the shape of a giant pig.

Sakura: Amazing... what was that?

EF9: Gaz's specialty ninjutsu... _'Katon: Gokaino no Jutsu_ (Fire Style: Grand Fire Boar Technique).

Lee got hit directly by the attack, he stumbled and fell to his knees, covered with first and second degree burns. He slowly stood up, knowing that he would have to win now, or he wouldn't make Gai-sensei proud. So he opened the first chakra gate, and attacked Gaz with Initial Lotus.

Neji: Hmm... Lee is clearly desperate to use the lotus...

Gai: It would seem so.

Gaz and Lee crashed into the ground, kicking up a lot of dust.

Jiraiya: Well... it looks like neither of the competitors are able to continue, so I declare this match, a tie!

EF9, Dib, Zim, Gai, Neji, and Tenten: What!

EF9: But... she... is my best student...

EF9 then sat down and started moping about how he was going to lose.

EF9: Waah! I'm gonna lose!

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Kyuubi: Well there is the chapter, for the next fight, you must choose who you want to fight against, Kankuro.

DEF666: That is right your choices are as follow:

Naruto Uzumaki

Shikamaru Nara

Choji Akimichi

Hinata Hyuuga

Shino Aburame

Dib Membrane

Tenten

EF9: So review and vote for who you want!

TTFN!


	6. Perverted Sensei! Kankuro vs

EF9: I have decided to take this story off of hiatus and update!

DEF6:** So what? It still sucks.**

Fairy Kyubi: I'm free! Free at last!

EF9: You stay.

Fairy Kyubi: Drat.

* * *

After everybody had calmed down from the excitement of the previous match, Tsunade announced the next match.

Tsunade: The next match is Kankuro against Tenten! Everybody get ready to rumble!

After Tsunade made her announcement Temari turned to Kankuro.

Temari: You better not lose, dumb ass.

And with those words of encouragement spoken, she threw Kankuro into the Arena. Tenten was already there.

Tenten: Okay freak, I'm gonna kick your ass all the way back to Suna!

Kankuro (Glaring): And what makes you think you can beat me?

Tenten (Smirking evilly): This.

She then lifted her top. Apparently, Tenten prefers to go bra-less.

EF9 (Nose bleeding): Man, for once I'm glad I'm only fifteen.

Dib (Looking confused): Why?

EF9 (Looks at Dib, wearing a smile, a mile wide): Because, I can ogle those babies (Gestures to Tenten's assets) without being called a pedophile.

Dib (Deadpan): So… You're just another pervert?

EF9 (Still smiling): Yup.

* * *

Well, there's the long awaited chapter. Don't forget to review and vote for who you want to fight against **Shino Aburame**. The people left are:

**Naruto Uzumaki**

**Shikamaru Nara**

**Dib**

**Gaara**

**Temari**

**Hinata Hyuga** (But you can't pick her)

Vote!


	7. The Unexpected and The Unmentionable! Sh

EF9: … Eep! (Hides behind a chair)

William: Come now, old chap. I am certain they are not as angry as you fear.

EF9: Art thou mad? We're not talking about kindly gentlemen here. These people are fanfic readers like me. And we fanfic readers are neither patient nor civilized! They'll eat me alive for daring to show my face after going so long without updating!

William: Well, it is hardly your fault. After all, real life does take precedence.

EF9: They don't care. I'm dead meat!

FairyKyubi: Goddamnit, EF9, you're worse than the twerp.

EF9 (Shocked): Take that back!

DEF6: Why should he? It's true.

EF9: _Et tu Brute?_

DEF6: _Si._

EF9: Sigh. Fine, I'll do it. But don't say I didn't warn you!

FairyKyubi: Whatever you say, dumbass.

Disclaimer: I do not claim property of either _Invader Zim_ or _Naruto_. They belong to Jhonen Vasquez and Masashi Kishimoto respectively.

"Okay! The next match is between Gaara of the Sand and Shino Aburame!" declared Tsunade, "Now, will both challengers please step into the arena."

The clamor ceased as the audience beheld the two young shinobi who would be fighting for their amusement. Neither one spoke as they gracefully strode into this arena of combat. Finally, they reached the center of the field and locked eyes with one another. Neither one intended to lose.

"Please allow me to apologize in advance," stated Shino, "but I'm afraid that for the honor of Kurenai-sensei, I must defeat you."

Gaara narrowed his eyes. '**Sand coffin!**'

In the stands, the onlookers braced themselves for what was about to come-

But instead, they heard something they never expected: Girly screams.

"EEEEEEEEK! A BUG! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET! IT! **OFF!**" shrieked a terrified Gaara, before he became engulfed in a swarm of _kikaichu, _or destruction bugs, as they are called.

"That's just embarrassing," said the female Deidara, who was, ironically, doing some very embarrassing things to herself. Things that I cannot mention here for fear of increasing the rating again.

...**-Minutes Later-**...

While Gaara's convulsing form was dragged out of the arena, EF9 was confronted by someone he did not expect: Tsunade. He squirmed under the Fifth Hokage's scrutiny.

"Am I to believe, Daimaru, that you lied to one of your students about your age?"

"Ehhh… Heh heh… Is there really any need for you to use my real name?"

Tsunade glared at him threateningly. "This is a very serious matter. Not only did you lie about your age, you lied about how you became a Jounin. And I suppose you neglected to mention the first thing you did as a Jounin?"

EF9, now also known as Daimaru, nervously jerked his shirt collar. "C'mon, that's all in the past…"

"No, it isn't! Your past actions were terrible; you destroyed countless lives without a second thought!"

"But-"

"NO! No buts! I will not stand by and watch you destroy that girl's life!"

"What do you know?" shouted Daimaru angrily, "I love that girl! I only want to make her happy!"

"You sick fuck!" roared Tsunade, "That girl is your daughter!"

"… W-what? How can it be? I thought-"

"You thought what? That there was no way her mother could survive your accursed embrace? Well, you thought wrong," growled Tsunade hoarsely.

"W-which one?"

"Hm?"

"Which one… was her mother?"

"It was Tian-li," she said.

"… Heh… It figures…" Daimaru whispered before dropping to his knees.

"…" Tsunade averted her gaze. She hated when he got like this, because she was never able to tell if his tears were genuine, or just an act.

"Tian-li… she was the only one I ever really loved, y'know?''

"And yet you tried to kill her all the same," Tsunade said accusingly.

"No… I mean, I suppose I _tried _to kill her, but my heart just wasn't in it, y'know?"

"Sigh… Just stay away from her, okay?"

"Fine."

"And I want you to focus on training your students."

"Of course."

"Remember, if you fail to mold them into loyal shinobi, then it's over. This is your one second chance. Don't blow it, okay? I'm sure Minato would have wanted you to do this."

"… Thank you Hokage, ma'am. I, Daimaru Daishin, will not disappoint you!"

_'I hope so,' _thought Tsunade.

FairyKyubi: … Wow, and I mean WOW. I can't believe it. You have officially changed a terrible self-insert, into a slightly less terrible original character, and you have even set the stage for potential future growth. If you manage to pull this off without completely screwing up your story, I'll be impressed. But, from the looks of it, chances are it will only get worse.

EF9: Uh, thanks?

TBC!


	8. AN:

**Author's Note**

Hello everyone, this is EvilFuzzy9. I hate to say it, but I will probably not be updating any of my stories regularly for a while. And while I'll try to do what I can, my account will probably be largely inactive in the coming months.

I suppose right about now some of you are wondering why this should be. Well, with college classes starting in a couple weeks, I predict that most of my remaining summer will be spent not on the computer, but in reflection and mental preparation for a year of change, a year of hardships and triumphs. Of course, there's a good chance that once I settle into the routine I'll resume updating. But until that happens, this is EvilFuzzy9 signing off.

P.S.: I'll probably still update occasionally, but I don't want y'all getting your hopes up.

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…. I'll be back…

(Fade to black)


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